Cubicle to Fit-ish

How a wimp becomes fit(ish)

Falling Can Be Better Than Flying

I made a rookie mistake this weekend and have been paying for it ever since; but, it has motivated me to refocus, which can’t be a bad thing…

It’s been hot.  I am a baby about the heat (hence, I’ve spent most of my summers in bookstores and movie theaters), but it really has been insanely warm.  90 degrees with one million % humidity – I can’t even get my hair straight before I leave the house!  Despite this, I’ve been super proud that I’ve been walking at work on my breaks, running at the gym on Tuesdays, and consistently  attending boot camp – even when he threatens to have us outside.

Saturday was no exception.  But, I had a friend sunscreen me up and we started working out inside.  Mind you, I have to eat breakfast before class (I’m not one of those people who can work out on an empty stomach).  Before I left, I had 8oz of Gatorade (I may love my Diet Coke, but even I can’t handle carbonation before jumping jacks and all that), a bowl of cheerios, and a yogurt.  I have a 40 minute drive to boot camp, so my food always settles before I get there.

During boot camp, I generally down 16 oz of water between water breaks between circuits and my ride home.  It was a super hard class (and I got frustrated as my knee started to click and hurt during lunges, alligator crawls, and some godawful medicine ball stand up/sit down thing) and I worked wicked hard.  I’m not one who sweats a lot (maybe it was that I wasn’t working hard enough, maybe I’m chronically under hydrated, maybe I just glisten, haha), but I was DRENCHED – like soaked sports bra, hot sweaty nastiness, straight to the shower when I got home DRENCHED.  But I had my whole water bottle and then went out to lunch and had a Diet Coke (16oz).  I thought I was fine

Our instructor even reminded us to rehydrate before we left.  I thought I had done enough.  Obviously not, though.  We got home from lunch (and picking up the puppy from the groomer – so adorable!!) and I was exhausted.  We all decided to take a nap for an hour.  Three hours later, I could barely function.  I was dizzy and nauseous and what I thought was hangry (hungry + angry because I’m hungry).  I had a bowl of cereal and a glass of water.  I felt worse.  Another glass of water and I made it to feeling meh.  We watched the game and I stumbled into bed.

Then, my whole system freaked out.  I could feel my stomach grinding and jumping all around.  My head was spinning and I started dry heaving every hour or so, which caused said puppy to chase me from the bedroom to the bathroom every hour on the hour (and jump on said boyfriend’s head on reentry to the bedroom).  It was not fun. 

Having been through some medical drama last year, I knew what this was – welcome back to dehydration.  I spent Sunday attached to some Gatorade and taking it easy, but still felt pretty crappy.  I am proud that I made it to the supermarket and we prepped all of our dinners for this week, though.

I should have been pushing liquids on Saturday.  I know this.  I know a lot of things.  I know I should eat more (any) fruits and vegetables.  I know I should stop treating Diet Coke like it is water and just drink some water.  I know I should start having more respect for myself and treating myself better because I am hurting my body over and over again with this nonsense.

So I made my step and gym goals for last week, but at what cost, really?  I’ve decided to refocus my fit(ish) activities on health for the month of August as I feel I am getting too caught up in the numbers (hey, I went to the gym twice, I can have 5 rolls for dinner) and not really being healthier.  My checks are becoming excuses, in some ways.

8/17:

  • Drink 60 oz of water a day
  • Get some sleep!
  • Bring my lunch to work MF
  • Have a fruit and a vegetable each day
  • Gym on Tuesday, boot camp on Thursday and Friday

Slow and steady and all that.  I need to remember that I learn more from falling than from flying…

August 1, 2011 Posted by | boot camp, Diet Coke, ick, sweating | Leave a comment

Where I’ve been and where I’m heading…

I’ve never been what you’d call active.  The last regular exercise that I did was when I was a semi-professional figure skater from the ages 3-8, and even that mostly involved laying on the ice after a fall.  And it never really bothered me.  I’m a proud nerd and I would much rather be watching my tv shows, a movie, or reading than moving, or, ick, sweating.

However, my lack of physical coordination and general wimpy-ness have become more pronounced now that I am in my early thirties.  Even as a theater major in undergrad, I leaned more towards the vocal and written aspects of theater and struggled when having to move.  I’m a klutz.  I walk into walls and trip while walking.  Even with my more physical jobs (cashiering can be hard work, especially at a big box tool depot), I was never all that strong.  I do it all wrong.  I lift with my back, I look down when I walk, and, for the longest time, I just didn’t care.

Until, that is, I got sick.  Three years ago, I had a really bad year.  I work in a cubicle, which was so much better than cashiering near an open door in the winter.  My mother got super sick, my grandfather died after a long illness, and my uncle died.  As I always have, I started to eat my feelings.  My day started with a diet coke and cheetoes, continued on to another diet coke with some cheezits and fig newtons, and ended with not 1, but 2 dinners (the McDonalds’ two cheeseburger meal I would eat by myself and the actual dinner I would eat with my boyfriend when he got home).

Mind you, I have ALWAYS eaten like a child and always been at a healthy weight, even as a full-fleged adult with a Master’s degree, a house, and a puppy (although, I do realize now that I was one of those “thin fat people” who have no muscle).  This time, though, my age had caught up with me and I packed on 40 pounds in a year.  We have no full length mirrors in the house, though, so I lived in denial, even as my pants became tighter and my shirts slightly inappropriate.

You would think that 2010 was the year that I stopped the madness, but, no.  It wasn’t to be.  After a scary and stressful semester at the community college I teach night classes at, I tried to change my ways.  I started a couch to 5K program.  I thought (REALLY, REALLY THOUGHT) about joining Weight Watchers… then, I got sick.  I spent the rest of 2010, and the first months of 2011, either with feet and ankles swollen to zombie like proportions, massive stinging hives all over my body, or throwing up literally everything I ate.

So I lost some weight by the time 2011 hit (almost 25 lbs), but I was still that same person, weak and scared with so many failures to my name.  Something in me, though, had changed.  I wanted to be healthier and fitter (or fit-ish) and STRONG.  So, once I was feeling closer to normal, I tried to go back to the gym and I joined Weight Watchers online.  BUT, I lost my will power for the gym quickly, and Weight Watchers only works if you don’t lie to yourself (I am so bad at tracking…).

Instead of falling down into the same horrible habits (a bad meal = a bad day = a bad week = a bad month = a bad year), I picked myself up and gave myself a strict talking to.  I can’t keep taking care of and worrying about everyone else; I need to fix me.  So I joined a boot camp mixed martial arts class for women 3 weeks ago and am restarting my eating lifestyle changes in a more manageable way for me.  I am hoping this blog will keep me motivated and honest, as well as be a record of the sad place I was (and am) at all the way to the better place that I can get to!

May 23, 2011 Posted by | back story, boot camp, sweating, wimpy-ness | Leave a comment