Cubicle to Fit-ish

How a wimp becomes fit(ish)

Where I’ve been and where I’m heading…

I’ve never been what you’d call active.  The last regular exercise that I did was when I was a semi-professional figure skater from the ages 3-8, and even that mostly involved laying on the ice after a fall.  And it never really bothered me.  I’m a proud nerd and I would much rather be watching my tv shows, a movie, or reading than moving, or, ick, sweating.

However, my lack of physical coordination and general wimpy-ness have become more pronounced now that I am in my early thirties.  Even as a theater major in undergrad, I leaned more towards the vocal and written aspects of theater and struggled when having to move.  I’m a klutz.  I walk into walls and trip while walking.  Even with my more physical jobs (cashiering can be hard work, especially at a big box tool depot), I was never all that strong.  I do it all wrong.  I lift with my back, I look down when I walk, and, for the longest time, I just didn’t care.

Until, that is, I got sick.  Three years ago, I had a really bad year.  I work in a cubicle, which was so much better than cashiering near an open door in the winter.  My mother got super sick, my grandfather died after a long illness, and my uncle died.  As I always have, I started to eat my feelings.  My day started with a diet coke and cheetoes, continued on to another diet coke with some cheezits and fig newtons, and ended with not 1, but 2 dinners (the McDonalds’ two cheeseburger meal I would eat by myself and the actual dinner I would eat with my boyfriend when he got home).

Mind you, I have ALWAYS eaten like a child and always been at a healthy weight, even as a full-fleged adult with a Master’s degree, a house, and a puppy (although, I do realize now that I was one of those “thin fat people” who have no muscle).  This time, though, my age had caught up with me and I packed on 40 pounds in a year.  We have no full length mirrors in the house, though, so I lived in denial, even as my pants became tighter and my shirts slightly inappropriate.

You would think that 2010 was the year that I stopped the madness, but, no.  It wasn’t to be.  After a scary and stressful semester at the community college I teach night classes at, I tried to change my ways.  I started a couch to 5K program.  I thought (REALLY, REALLY THOUGHT) about joining Weight Watchers… then, I got sick.  I spent the rest of 2010, and the first months of 2011, either with feet and ankles swollen to zombie like proportions, massive stinging hives all over my body, or throwing up literally everything I ate.

So I lost some weight by the time 2011 hit (almost 25 lbs), but I was still that same person, weak and scared with so many failures to my name.  Something in me, though, had changed.  I wanted to be healthier and fitter (or fit-ish) and STRONG.  So, once I was feeling closer to normal, I tried to go back to the gym and I joined Weight Watchers online.  BUT, I lost my will power for the gym quickly, and Weight Watchers only works if you don’t lie to yourself (I am so bad at tracking…).

Instead of falling down into the same horrible habits (a bad meal = a bad day = a bad week = a bad month = a bad year), I picked myself up and gave myself a strict talking to.  I can’t keep taking care of and worrying about everyone else; I need to fix me.  So I joined a boot camp mixed martial arts class for women 3 weeks ago and am restarting my eating lifestyle changes in a more manageable way for me.  I am hoping this blog will keep me motivated and honest, as well as be a record of the sad place I was (and am) at all the way to the better place that I can get to!


May 23, 2011 - Posted by | back story, boot camp, sweating, wimpy-ness

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